There's This Thing Called Hazing, People
by ButterMyButtAndCallMeABiscuit
Summary: "Prank or be pranked." Garcia lives by this randomly made-up motto...even if she just thought of it a day ago. Now, how can she infuse this into her own little prank? And how might the new agent Emily "Fresh Meat" Prentiss be affected?


"...Prank or be pranked?"

Garcia nods.

"And...you do this to every new agent, right?"

Garcia nods.

_One teensy weensy lie won't hurt anybody..._Garcia thinks.

"Well, who are we pranking? And what _is_ the prank?"

Garcia stares at Fresh Meat-ahem, Agent Prentiss, with glee in her eyes."Soooo you'll do it? You can't have that information until you choose. Prank or be pranked!"

The new agent screws her lips. Something about this seemed fishy. Of course, since Agent Hotchner was being a dickhead she was desperate to fit in with this team, but..."prank or be pranked"? What? She just got here, though. Maybe it _was_ a tradition. She hated to say it, but she was mainly desperate to fit in with that cute-looking boy outside. Or at least get his attention.

Shrugging, she says,"Prank. I mean, that'll...who's that brown-haired kid out there, by the way? The one who keeps blurting out random stuff."

"It's perfect that you asked, dear! Why?"

Prentiss stutters,"Um-he-uhhh. He just looks prankable."

Garcia squeals and claps her hands."Now, the first part of this prank. I need youuuu to go get JJ."

"Who?"

"Agent Jareau, stupid! Go, go, go, my little goblin!" Garcia shooes Prentiss out of her office and slams the door. Prentiss looks behind her, flustered. Okaaaaaay. She heads over to JJ's office. She knocks softly, two short raps.

JJ looks up from case files."Agent Prentiss, hi. You haven't gone home yet?"

"Uh, actually, Agent Garcia needs you..." Prentiss says uneasily, unsure if Garcia wanted JJ to know about this prank. Hell, she was the new kid. She didn't know who kept whose secrets. Or what who's secrets were.

JJ gives a nod and follows Emily back to Garcia's lair. The door was open again, and Garcia turns excitedly to greet them. She looks JJ in the eyes with a weird stare,"So, JJ. I decided to tell Prentiss about our little tradition. Y'know, 'prank or be pranked'?"

JJ gives a mental sigh. Garcia loved to fuck with people. Especially ones she didn't know. JJ hated being pulled into stuff like this..."Yeah. So, what's the prank?" JJ tried not to give off the signs that she had no clue what was going on.

"Well..." Garcia turns to her computer, and pulls up a name. JJ flinches. It was Reid.

Prentiss says uneasily,"Is...that the person we're pranking? Doesn't he work here?"

"Yup and yup! Now, Fresh Meat..." Garcia lets the name flow freely. Prentiss' expression doesn't change."Your job is to go home and dress really sexy. As sexy as you can! Then you call me. Now, scat! Buh-bye!"

"Wh-what do you...consider...sexy?"

JJ wasn't really part of this prank, but this makes her laugh. Prentiss tugs at her sleeves uncomfortably.

Once Garcia recovers from her giggle attack, she says,"Scenario: you've got a cute man waiting for you at the hottest club in town. Hmm...'Stick in the Hole'."

"I've never heard of that club. Is it around here?" Prentiss cocks her head. She had the strange feeling she was being fucked with.

Garcia giggles some more."It's not real, you silly person! I made it up! Now...he's a British hottie named...whatever. Some sexy British-person name. And you want to impress him, get him in your bed, make him rip your paaaaanttiiiiiess! So...how would you dress?"

"I don't know." Garcia groans.

"Go home and send me a picture of your closet!" Garcia shoves Prentiss out of her office as she did earlier, and closes and locks the door. Prentiss could hear cackling. She grabs her bag and starts toward the exit. She glances at the person she was supposed to be pranking. Agent Reid, she believes was his name.

He was quickly flipping pages of a book. She was amazed. Was he just flipping through, or was he...?

"Um...are you reading that?" She asks, bewildered.

"Huh?" His eyes dart up. She bites her lip. Prentiss knew he wasn't exactly her age range, but he was pretty cute.

_So...how would you dress?_

_I know exactly what I would wear for him._

Prentiss' eyes widen, but quickly revert to normal size. The boy (or man. He looked really young) chuckles,"I'm surprised JJ didn't brag. She acts like I'm the team's prized possession. I can read...er, really fast."

Reid was reluctant to tell her how fast he read. It would probably freak her out. He scans her, trying to make his face as nonthreatening as possible. His eyes quickly move to her bag. She had a book sticking out, and he knew the cover.

"Hey!" He says a little bit too excitedly; she jumps. She was in the middle of scolding herself for thinking like that."Oh, um...sorry. I get a bit excited over some things because I really...is that _Flowers in the Attic?_ The book you have."

She nods."Yeah, I, uh...just got the successors in the series."_Successors. God, you sound like a nerd!_"I wanted to refresh my memory, I last read it, like, centuries ago." She smiles nervously.

He chuckles and returns to his own tome. When she gets home, she shamelessly tears her closet in half, wondering what he would like the best.

xXxXx

"This is wrong. So wrong." JJ whimpers. She secretly enjoyed this prank, but wouldn't let Garcia have the satisfaction.

"What's so wrong about it? We'll record everything they do through the glasses, and then put it on PornHub! If she doesn't get some fatty then we'll just do with what we have," Garcia shrugs."

JJ sighs and watches the camera intently. Prentiss was driving and murmuring to herself. JJ couldn't make it out, but it sounded like...

xXxXx

"We are going to have a casual evening and I will _not_ fuck this man for their entertainment. We are going to watch _Flowers in the Attic_ and I am not going to jump his bones," Prentiss mumbles mindlessly for the hundredth time as she walks up the stairs to Reid's door. She looked ridiculous. Icy blue dress and pumps, and the glasses with the camera inside. What did they call them? "Nerd" glasses, and a sparkly blue bangle.

Meanwhile, Reid was getting out of the shower. He pulls on some boxers and settles on the couch, blasting Franz Ferdinand's Van Tango, singing along with the track. Prentiss recognizes the song, and knocks, tapping her foot. She starts to sing, too.

"Yeah yeah, he's the king of the night!" Reid belts out as he walks to the door.

"Van Tango owns the night, watch out, he's the king of the night!" Prentiss sings along.

And they both continue singing, until Reid opens the door.

"Van Taaanngoaaaaah! Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry! I really should have called!" Prentiss says, covering her eyes.

"Woah, woah, calm down! What, you've never seen a man in boxers before?" Reid laughs.

Prentiss slowly uncovers her eyes, then bites her lip as she takes him in. To tell the truth, he was as freaked out as she was. He just had a good way of hiding it.

He chuckles,"Come on in, before the neighbors start screaming at me...again." Prentiss nods.

She talks quickly as she walks in the door,"I, um, have the DVD for the first edition of _Flowers in the Attic, _and I wanted to know if you wanted to watch it with...me."

"Sure, um...I better put some pants on, huh?" He grins.

xXxXx

_I have never freaked out like this,_ Prentiss thinks as Reid looks down at her and smiles. She smiles back._Come on, Emily. All he did was put his arm around you. He probably did it as a friendly gesture._

_You shouldn't have did that. _Reid thinks, angry with himself. He just met her, like, a week ago. But...she snuggles into him, leaning her head into his shoulder.

_"Sinners!"_

"She is first-class creepy, that woman," Prentiss says."Such a twisted tale of incest and betrayal. I mean, we never know what we're in for when we wake up in the morning, do we? It's scary."

She turns to see that Reid was staring at her intensely. She felt like a nerd, the way he was looking at her. Here she was, in this situation. She felt like she might as well have been pranked.

"Would you be upset if I kissed you?" Reid blurts."If you would be, we can just forget I asked you and we can watch the rest of the movie in complete silence, I swear."

Prentiss shakes her head."Would you? Kiss me, I mean. Would you? Or are you just asking?"

"I would." He says softly, raising his hand to her cheek and rubbing softly. She leans into his touch without noticing. He leans in and gently presses his lips to hers. At first, they just let their lips touch, but Prentiss' tongue snaked out to gain entrance to his mouth, wanting to taste him. He moans and opens his lips, raising his other hand to her other cheek. Emily buries her hands in his hair, pulling him on top of her. She was leaned back on the arm of the couch, and when he finally breaks away from her now swollen lips, she whimpers. Her hands still in his hair, he moves down to her neck.

"Agent Reid."She breathes as he begins to suck gently on the skin."Oh, Agent Reid."

He drags his lips up to her ear, and whispers,"Call me Spencer, okay? Can I call you Emily?"

_I don't care what you do, don't stop touching me._

She nods mindlessly and he continues, sucking a bit closer to her shoulder this time. His hands run up her back to the zipper, and he murmurs,"May I?" She nods again, not able to find words. He does away with the dress, and continues his path down her body. He kisses and nips as he pleases, making her writhe beneath him. Just as he was getting to her panties, he moves back up to her breasts, and licks the valleys of her breasts. He unhooks her bra and gauges her reaction carefully as he latches on to one of her nipples and sucks hard. He stops to lift his shirt over his head, then resumes his ministrations.

"Oh-oh God!" She moans."Harder." He bites gently and runs the tips of his fingers along the wet spot on her panties. She shudders violently as he tweaks the other nipple, sucking even harder on the one he was paying attention to.

Was she...was she...God, this was embarrassing. He hadn't even pulled her panties off!"I'm...I'm coming. Oh, God!" He pulls her panties to the side and slides two fingers inside of her, wanting to feel her heat around him. She rides his hand shamelessly as her come covers his hand and her underwear. It felt like it lasted forever. It felt...odd. The good kind of odd. _Different,_ rather.

And he kept sucking her, moving his fingers in perfect rhythm to her hips. When she finally finishes, she immediately feels self-conscious. Why had she came so fast? And so hard? She didn't understand; why was it so different with him? It was so fucking embarrassing. He probably thought she was weird.

_Well, you are weird. Why would you have said all the stupid things you said earlier if you weren't?_

"Why are you apologizing?" He whispers softly."I've never seen a woman look so beautiful, I...that was amazing, Emily. And I want to make you feel like that, again, and again, and over and over until you can't take anymore."

She looks him in the eye. She licks her lips at the _passion _she saw, that raw love.

"Should we...finish this in the bedroom?" He raises an eyebrow. She nods and he picks her up with surprising strength. She wraps her legs around him and he carries her to the bedroom, where he sets her on the bed. He blindly reaches for a condom in his drawer, but she puts her hand over his.

"I'm on the pill," she breathes."Can we get these clothes off of you?" He nods and she unzips his trousers, desperate to see what was underneath. Once he kicks them off, she immediately reaches into his boxers, gasping softly when she grabs ahold of his member. He was hard. For _her._

"W-What?"

"You're..." Emily trails off, not sure what to say."Please. I can't stand it any longer. I need you...inside of me."

He gently kisses her neck, and with one swift stroke, was inside her. She wraps her legs around him, causing him to push deeper."O-oh! Oh!" Was all she could say as he begins to thrust. He growls as he slows down; he wanted to make sure she enjoyed this. She stops him."No. Spencer. Fuck me like you want to. Please. Faster." She pants.

He stares her in the eye, then withdraws and slams back into her. She cries out in pleasure, and he repeats the motion."Yes!" She moans loudly. He moans as well as he places his arms on either side of her and thrusts quickly and sharply, causing them both to whimper in pleasure.

Prentiss could already feel herself coming again. She wasn't one to sex babble, but she ran her mouth shamelessly in time with his thrusts."Yes-oh-fuck me-Spencer-so good-so good-keep going-ah!" She tosses her head back, digging her nails into his shoulders. He increases his speed, coated with sweat.

"Emily!" He moans huskily."Emily, I'm going to come. Oh!" He struggles to support himself as he releases his fluids, still thrusting clumsily. She comes soon after, and he hisses as she covers his cock with her hot come.

Reid collapses, careful not to put all of his weight on her. Finally, he rolls off of her, and they make out passionately until they're both out of breath. Reid affectionately pushes the glasses back on her face.

Wait. _Glasses?_

Oh God! Emily forgot all about them! Boy, would he be pissed. Prentiss thinks quick, and before she could finish thinking, she says,"Spencer, take these glasses and put them in the garbage disposal and turn it on."

"What?"

"Spencer," Emily breathes, tears falling down her face. She hears him grow angrier and angrier as she explains the prank."I swear, I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I just wanted to come and watch the movie with you!"

"You could have!" He roars, sounding as if he was on the verge of tears."You could have told me about the whole thing a long time ago! But, no! You come in here and you fuck me and you act like it actually meant something!"

Prentiss cries out,"It did, Spencer! It felt...so different, with you."

"Maybe because you didn't want to do it. Please, just leave. Before I say something I don't want to say," he growls.

"I really want to talk to you-"

"_Get out of my house!_" He shouts."Just leave! It doesn't make any difference to you, does it?!"

Prentiss left without a fight.

Meanwhile, at the BAU headquarters, a very sad Penelope Garcia stares at the feed."This was _not_ supposed to happen! JJ? Are you listening?!"

JJ jolts awake."Yeah. No. What was the question?"

"They did the nasty!"

"Isn't that what you wanted?" JJ says, shocked.

"No! Not like this!" Garcia cries out.

Suddenly, a very flustered Emily Prentiss' face appeared on the screen."This is for the whole beautiful relationship I could've had with that man!" The feed was cut off after a loud noise.

"JJ," Garcia whines,"We have to fix this! Tonight!"

JJ did feel bad; after all, she partook in the whole thing."Right.

xXxXx

_Knock knock knock._

"How many times do I need to tell you to leave?!" Reid swings open the door. It was Garcia and JJ."Great. What do you want?"

Garcia steps forward, looking up from under her lashes,"We sowwy. We weally weally sowwy."

"Lovely. Now get away from me." Reid tries to slam the door, but Garcia pushes it back open.

"Did...Emily tell you why we pranked you?" JJ says softly, putting some things together.

Reid sighs,"She didn't have to. She came here, and, by profile, she figured out,'well this one's the weakest so I'll just go fuck with his head, whoopee'."

Garcia whimpers,"No! It was my fault, okay?" Garcia starts to bawl, and Reid and JJ simultaneously roll their eyes."I dragged her into this! See, I could tell by Hotch and Prentiss' actions that she was trying hard to fit in with us, especially after Elle left like she did. So...I used it to my advantage. I told Emily that we had a 'prank or be pranked' tradition for new members. It was a no-brainer that she wanted...ahem, something to do with you. She only did this so that she could prove to you that she's cool."

"So," Reid says slowly,"This whole time...she thought that I would be totally okay with getting pranked? Through sex?"

"Well," Garcia chirps."That's just another thing. We didn't want her to have sex with you..." Garcia lies.

JJ chimes in,"We actually wanted her to just kiss you or something. And then we would do something...with the footage."

"Like what?" Reid snaps.

Garcia chuckles nervously,"Blackmail, of course! Blackmail."

"Yup!" JJ nods, and Garcia begins to nod, too.

Reid nods, examining the evidence.

"Now! Are we going to go get your woman?" Garcia squeals.

Reid holds up a finger, and dashes into the house. When he comes back out, he holds up a DVD case, grinning.

"Isn't that the movie about the creepy old lady who whips her grandchildren or something?" Garcia questions.

Reid just grins even wider and heads to Emily's house with the two women in tow.


End file.
